missed opportunity? found perspective

i cant help but feel like ive missed out on a great opportunity this month. i would have loved to participate in february's "no substances" theme. i would have enjoyed doing this alongside people i have nothing but love for. at times, i probably could have used your support. i think simply knowing that other people are going through the same sacrifice, or situation, is an incredible feeling in itself. strength in numbers - a great byproduct of this site and a characteristic that i hope will attract other users.

the problem i had with this months task was that i really needed to take a step back and dedicate some time to committing myself to doing this. and there's a lot going on now!, much to keep track of!, and holy yikes!, like many, i have a few different buckets of what i consider substances (coffee and cigarettes in their own respective bucket, for example)...and it's a bit 'bump-in-the-rug-esque,' no? what i mean is that should you quit the smokes, you turn to another vice, and say, drink more coffee...that kind of a thing. and let's be honest, something like quitting smoking is it's own freakin feat...it aint easy.

[congratulations to me for having so many vices...yay! but identifying that alone is a positive in itself, i suppose.]

to some extent, my experience with this month's task was lackluster at best. and that's unfortunate. but that comes from a perspective of completely 'straight-edgin' out. im not sure that goal is attainable at this juncture. and while that is a shame, because a year or two ago, these dependencies were not even in existence, it's where i am, and in a way, those vices have helped define who i am. timeline-wise? i feel i have a little way to go before i can go through the exercise of de-vicing 100%.

for the month of january, i tried going the 'pescetarian' route, and it worked well...i did it. i missed bacon and pepperoni pizza. what?! i like bacon! so in feb, ate bacon. this month, in efforts to keep many projects on track, and keep focus, i cut back on some vices, while rewarding myself occasionally with other vices (what little chemists we've all become-ill speak more to that in another post). so, did make a conscious effort to cut back on a lot, and i did. so all was not lost.

i think the idea of eliminating everything was a bit much for my brain to handle. on various occasions, after thinking about it for some time, i would think myself into a box each time...my mind would enter into some sort of circular logic, and then short itself out.

lastly, it's necessary to give you guys a lot of credit. we all have incredibly busy schedules and lifestyles. to keep jugglin all your balls and not drop one is tough enough. but when you throw something like this in the mix, it's quite a challenge...and a worthwhile one, at that. way to be determined. props.

i edited some of the content out of this post about my opinions of eating animals and on substances in general. perhaps ill save that for another post later this month. thanks for giving me the opportunity to post to this blog. v